xx Plug-In Baby xx
Saturday, July 9, 2005
I was the last person to know. AGAIN. And I realise it had nothing to do with me, but the person it is to do with happens to be my best friend. And some people really hurt her. Like hurt her, like WHOAH. Oh dear.
Current mood: sympathetic
Tuesday, July 5, 2005
Why has everyone suddenly morphed into cunts? Is it a conspiracy against me? For fucks sake. I knew that today would be bad. I could tell as soon as I woke up. I thought to myself, "Fooookin' 'ell. Today is gonna suck. I know it." And I was right... which isn't suprising, lol.
And I've been in a bad mood all day and I've tried to be happy but it doesn't work. Gawwwwwd. If I was emo I would write a song and maybe slit my wrists, but much like all the dick'eds at my school I wouldn't slit it the right way, because people just do it for attention AND IT'S SOOOO OBVIOUS because they come to school the next day with little scratches down their arms and they're like WHOOOAH I'M SO DEPRESSED I CUT MYSELF GAWWWWD and I'm like, you little attention seeker you.
Hmmmm... I think I'm getting fatter so I'll stop eating for a few days and hopefully lose some weight. I might actually go and do some sit-ups. I'm pretty awesome at them. It might be fun.
Current mood: aggravated
Monday, July 4, 2005
Okies, so today was shit, as per usual. And it wasn't even sunny, which always sucks, because nobody is happy when it's all grey and rainy and GAY. And to make it worse, all those fucking dwarves from Primary School were running around from 10.00 am - 2.30am, basically getting in the way and being the fucking annoying dwarves that they are. And they're all so ugly. Seriously, I know that in Year 6 I wasn't exactly a STUNNER, but I'm sure I had some knowledge of personal hygiene. Don't these kids know how to wash their hair??? And what was with those emos-to-be??? WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY DOING??? They're, like, eleven or something, and they're already dying their hair black and slitting their wrists and shit. GAWD.
And the joke that is my daily art lesson? Ha. Mr Duckworth had us wandering back and forth between Toulston Lodge and L Block, carrying all of his sixth-form pieces for an art show or something. And they weren't even that good. A few of the sculptures were actually crumbling in my hands. Jeez.
AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE IT... they've banned Myspace from school computers. Fucking noobs. I bet one of the IT technicians caught somebody messing around on it during another lesson, and I bet that the 'somebody' was an ugly Year 9 fucker who wears way too much eyeliner and tries to be cool by organising her account as follows:
UGLY YEAR 9 FUCKER LIKES (here is where she tries to be 'scene' by trying to be 'random' but she fails miserably and just ends up sounding like the ugly Year 9 fucker that she is)
UGLY YEAR 9 FUCKER DOESN'T LIKE (ditto, except she makes an even bigger fool of herself because she puts, "I hate fake people" when she's obviously the most fake of all because she tries to be cool when she's just an ugly Year 9 fucker)
UGLY YEAR 9 FUCKER'S MUSIC LIST (comprises of 78 bands in alphabetical order, identical to everybody else's Myspace)
UGLY YEAR 9 FUCKER'S FAVOURITE BOOKS (will probably say: I don't do books, hehe. I'm too fucking illiterate to read anything except my fellow ugly Year 9 fucker's Myspace profile)
UGLY YEAR 9 FUCKER'S HEROES (and she will name her friends, except she will have to make most of the names up, because she's an ugly Year 9 fucker and nobody likes her).
Current mood: bitchy
Saturday, July 2, 2005
Oh god I need to get a life. It's Saturday afternoon and I am INDOORS. It's really sad... I'm sure I haven't been out with my friends for ages :-s Shame really, 'cos I kind of like them.
Whoop! Portugal in, erm, a month! I think it's gonna be awesome innit. I was meant to be going to Greece with Aliki but then it all got confused and now she's going with Gipton instead, so yeah... I'll probably have more fun with my cousin anyway, 'cos I'm less likely to fall out with her. Me and Aliki haven't actually been the same since she started to be friends with Beth. And I don't really like Beth because she called me TWO-FACED. Which I'm so totally not.
Girls are stupid. I wish I was a boy. But then I'd have to gay. But that could be quite fun. I like gay people. They're so much nicer than straight men. I remember in Year 8 or 9 when I asked Bobby Gray to be my gay best friend and he got really offended and didn't talk to me for ages... I don't even know why.
Actually, come to think of it, I'd be pretty pissed off if a lad asked me to be his lesbian best friend.
I'm so getting lots of new new new clothes for summer summer summer. I will have to go shopping with my mummy 'cos when I go with mates we always get sidetracked and I can never find anything I want and I hate trying stuff on 'cos I know people will be waiting around and getting bored and ESPECIALLY if the mate is really skinny it makes me feel bad 'cos they can fit into a size two or something... Stupid skinny people. I wish I weighed like six stone or something. Actually, that could be kind of anorexicly scary. Maybe seven and a half. Hayley has that written in her Myspace, that she's only seven and a half stone, and a few people are like, "Why the hell has she put that?" but if I was so light, I'd probably broadcast it even more.
Yeah I'm hungry.
Current mood: bored
Friday, July 1, 2005
Kev just called me weird and blocked me on MSN. That's kind of bad I think. He's quite good friends with Steve so I don't know what's been said but you know... what a noob.
Current mood: confused
RIGHT... today wasn't actually as bad as I expected. Aside from the fact that I didn't get the standard in PE (it's actually unlike me to be bothered - I normally hate PE. But the fact that I was A THIRD OF A SECOND away from the standard in 100 metres, kind of pissed me off. Ha.) it was a pretty good day. I found it tres, tres amusing at lunchtime, when me and Jess had just finished eating and then the fire alarm went off. I thought for a moment that I should feel sorry for all the kids that had only just been served and had just sat down with a full plate of food - but then I thought again, and laughed. Ha. Losers.
So then after the alarm went, everyone thought they'd gather round and watch all the teachers get hit in the face with sponges for some random money-raising thingy for little starving kids in Africa. But I was WAY too cool for that. So I chilled with Big Bob and Lewis and this other guy called Elliot who I haven't spoken to for like a year or something... And I listened to his iPod and I was kind of impressed because he has a very similar music taste to me and he's in a band also, and he says it's kind of like Kasabian/Coldplay, which is sort of cool, because I'm pretty into indie rock.
And then Tinker reminded me of the deal we made in Year 9, when I was young and naive and just messing around, but he took it seriously. And he was like, "So are we still gonna shag at the end of this year?" and I was like, "Erm... well... I dunno..." and he was like, "Kilv, we made a deal," so I was like WHOAH and then I laughed and I just thought hey, that's kind of cool. And Tinker is kind of hot. He used to be pretty chubby but he's suddenly grown and slimmed off a bit, and he's always had a fit face anyway, so it's all good.
I can't believe how quickly I'm over Steve. I guess I was already getting over him when we were still together - if that makes sense. Which it doesn't. Ha. There are so many other people and I just can't handle commitment and relationships and what not... But a few people seemed a bit shocked today when they found out I dumped him. They were like, "Whoah, Kilv, what you doing???" and I was like well... you know... But Ed off the bus just laughed and said I can do much better anyway, which is sweet, even though he's in Year 9 and he's kind of retarded. The bus was v. late today picking us up from school so we just played in the buspark, and Ed picked me up and swung me round and it was AWESOME but I got kind of dizzy and it kind of hurt my ribs but, hey! Whatever.
So yeahhh... I'm happy today :-) Whooop!
Current mood: happy
Thursday, June 30, 2005
3:50PM - Ok... I'm bored...
Yup... still bored. Sooooo bored. I have literally spent the entire day on my backside, talking on MSN and downloading off WinMX - which, may I just add, is a big pile of CRAP because it never works.
Hummm... Just been talking to Steve. Not good. I don't think he's doing it purposely, but he is TOTALLY guilt-tripping me. Meh. I'm sure I'll get over it... maybe. Everyone will say how stupid I've been, throwing it all away, but to be totally honest, I really don't want a relationship. They are too confusing. And I hate being confused. It just stresses me out. I HATE BEING STRESSED OUT.
Maybe I should start smoking. Even though I find it physically impossible to do... I guess I'm not cool enough. I actually think it's gross. I don't know why, especially when 70% of the Year 10 population at Tad smoke like chimneys.
I just tried to take some more photos for my Myspace profile... but they were all terrible. I'm sure on pictures I look a million gazillion times worse than in real life. Even though in real life I don't look that good either... Gawd. This is shit.
Current mood: crappy
Just realised how grumpy I sound on the last entry.
I'm not actually a grumpy person.
Well, not that often...
I think it's fair for me to be grumpy at this very moment in time though. I did something last night that I feel so bad about, but I couldn't have helped it, and I didn't mean to upset him, but I was upset myself and... well... So confused.
Life isn't fair.
Sometimes, I wish I'd never liked Steve in the first place. That could have prevented several things:
- THE RUMOURS: Gawd, I hate it how nobody can ever have any privacy at this stupid school. Why does everybody always have to know other people's business??? It really isn't fair. And then, as soon as it slips at that you've 'done' something with a boy (shock, horror, I know!), one clever dickhead decides to elaborate on the facts and it suddenly ends up that you GOT FINGERED TWENTY TIMES. Jeez.
- ME BEING CALLED A SLAG: Yes, I was called a slag. ME. I am the least slaggish person in the whole entire UNIVERSE. But, apparently, I am a slag. Great.
- HURTING PEOPLE: The people being me and Steve. Even though I'm the one that finished it, I still feel so bad. And I know I've hurt him, because he was so upset and I don't even know why because I'm actually NOT WORTH IT AT ALL...
So yeah... I think I'll go and eat something. That always makes me feel better.
Current mood: worried
It is early, and I am tired. Normally, at half past eight in the morning, I am on the way to school on the bus. Stupid bus. I spend the entire journey listening to little retards trying to be cool. You just have to nod and smile, and stop yourself from blurting out something mean. I find this very difficult. I hate little kids trying to be 'hard'. It's puh-thetic.
Anyway, the reason I'm not on the bus today is because it's a training day. That's kind of good. I hate school at the moment. It's full of bitches and pervy teachers. They all do my head in. So, instead of school, I'm sitting on my ass infront of the computer, bored and tired and little bit cranky, and feeling kind of sad for one reason or another. I can't be bothered to go out today. Em asked me to go to town with her, but I don't think I will. I'm gay like that.
Hmmm... I should really do my English coursework. I never do any work during the lessons. Me & Harry & etc. always go to the library, and I go on Myspace or something. I'm kind of sad. Anyways, while everybody else is typing paragraphs about fucking Thomas Becket in the fucking cathedral, I'm sending comment to my friends of little hearts and kisses that move across the page.
I really need to get a life.
Sooo... tomorrow? Well, tomorrow is non-uniform day. Awesome. (That's a sarcastic awesome, by the way). Another fun day, filled with lots of little kids in three-quarter length tights, denim skirts and Converse, in pathetic attempts to try and look 'cool' and 'emo'. It's so, so sad. Stupid little retards. Don't they realise how GAY they look? I mean, it's totally fine and justified if you actually have the figure to pull of short skirts etc, but the majority of these kids aren't even out of crop tops yet. Pfft.
Anyways... xx Kilv xx
Current mood: angry